Death - it has a finality to it. In the past two months I have lost two people in my life. The after events could not have been more different.
If there is one thing that is sadder than death, it is an end not mourned for. It makes me realize that one of the most primal feelings that a human can undergo - love - is also a two-way feeling. In what way does that make us superior? It is easy to care for someone who is nice to everyone because you are just reciprocating the gesture. But, caring for someone otherwise - not for what they are to you but for what they stand for - is something that sets you apart.
I remember her as a person who was never happy. How is that possible? She had to endure a relationship in which she was thrust into at a very tender age which festered a lustful dislike towards life itself. Outright hatred is always better than ignoring a person because that shows that you have SOME feeling towards the person. She was lost in the sea of people who not only ignored her but also never tried to understand why she behaved the way she did. Maybe all she needed was a thoughtful gesture once in a while, a kind voice or sometimes a listening ear. But being cast into the typical role of a stepmother - which to everyone's acceptance she played very well - she could not be perceived anything but that. As Ra puts it, she probably always felt like an outsider and sadly she dint leave anyone of her own behind.
So, yesterday when I saw the drama unfolding in front of my eyes, I could not help getting away from it all. A 5 minute wail from a sister who refused to take care of her in her last stages - was that all her life was worth? People unabashedly discussing mundane matters in life just hours into her death, somehow all this was adding insult to the injury. No matter who she was and what she did or did not do, she deserved respect.
I will always remember her fondly as a someone who always asked me if I wanted a cuppa coffee. As someone who demanded a saree whenever I got a raise. As someone who was always there for every occasion in the family. As the only grandma I ever knew.
Will miss her!
If there is one thing that is sadder than death, it is an end not mourned for. It makes me realize that one of the most primal feelings that a human can undergo - love - is also a two-way feeling. In what way does that make us superior? It is easy to care for someone who is nice to everyone because you are just reciprocating the gesture. But, caring for someone otherwise - not for what they are to you but for what they stand for - is something that sets you apart.
I remember her as a person who was never happy. How is that possible? She had to endure a relationship in which she was thrust into at a very tender age which festered a lustful dislike towards life itself. Outright hatred is always better than ignoring a person because that shows that you have SOME feeling towards the person. She was lost in the sea of people who not only ignored her but also never tried to understand why she behaved the way she did. Maybe all she needed was a thoughtful gesture once in a while, a kind voice or sometimes a listening ear. But being cast into the typical role of a stepmother - which to everyone's acceptance she played very well - she could not be perceived anything but that. As Ra puts it, she probably always felt like an outsider and sadly she dint leave anyone of her own behind.
So, yesterday when I saw the drama unfolding in front of my eyes, I could not help getting away from it all. A 5 minute wail from a sister who refused to take care of her in her last stages - was that all her life was worth? People unabashedly discussing mundane matters in life just hours into her death, somehow all this was adding insult to the injury. No matter who she was and what she did or did not do, she deserved respect.
I will always remember her fondly as a someone who always asked me if I wanted a cuppa coffee. As someone who demanded a saree whenever I got a raise. As someone who was always there for every occasion in the family. As the only grandma I ever knew.
Will miss her!
Death really comes with a baggage of its own...
ReplyDeleteOh boy, do we know it now
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